04/22/21 Day Thirty-Five - Heartbreak in Purgatory

 Okay, so Chriselai…

They tell Rory and it goes exactly like we expected.

Lorelai Jr.: “We’re married!”

Rory: “TF?”

Meanwhile, in Logalai-land, Logan makes a surprise visit and lets Rory know he’s moving an hour away...and he doesn’t offer to move her there because why? Yale. See, she’ll be out in six months. 

Anyway, he takes her to a company party and gets the chance to write an article about the party for an important guy. She writes the article and Logan clearly gets a bug up his ass about it because he pulls the whole, “HOW DARE YOU LOOK DOWN ON THE ELITE!”

I mean...he’s not entirely wrong? She is one of them, but whatever. 

Meanwhile, with Chriselai, Chris is moving right in. “Let’s get a flat screen! Let’s turn Rory’s room into Gigi’s room!” And Lorelai Jr. is all, “Hold up! Rory’s pissed at me.”  And he’s all, “WTF? I’M HER FATHER!”

So, what do you think? Two more episodes until an annulment? Maybe three?

Side Note: Luke has the sex talk with April using weird metaphors because she’s going to a party with boys. 

So, like, she gets sick anyway and he calls Lorelai like, “OMG, WHAT DO I DO?” and Lorelai’s like, “Take her to the hospital stupid!” He does and she shows up there because who the hell do these writers think they’re fooling anyway?

And then. He sees. The ring. Y’all hear that cracking noise? That would be Luke’s heart.

Rory finally tells her mother "thanks for eloping without telling me or even inviting me!" Jeez. And Lorelai Jr. is all “I’m so sure this is right” when three episodes ago she was all “Don’t make this into something it’s not”. I just cracked my neck from rolling my eyes so hard.

And Luke watches Philadelphia Story in a hospital room. *sucks teeth*

Next episode, the word is out. Lorelai tells the parents about her marriage over a voicemail and Emily retaliates by playing said voicemail for them after giving them a horrible painting as a gift. Yeah, Lorelai Jr. You had that coming.

But in all seriousness, Emily is, of course, like we’re throwing a party.

Rory moves out of Logan’s apartment because she needs her own place and I’m like, you could have avoided this by just asking her to move in with you, but whatever.

Side note: Liz had a baby...and named it Doula. 

Anyway, they’re throwing a 2002 party and...yeah, I don’t get it. But then there’s the weird Marty storyline. I mean...they never even dated. And while we're talking about this, I don’t even remember what he’s mad about. Anybody remember what Rory did that justifies him being mad for like five seasons?

Was that the thing?  Are you serious?

Anyway, Rory walks up to him and says, “This is stupid” and he says, “You’re right” and they’re friends again…and then he hits on her. She’s clearly not into it and now he’s mad again. 

Ooooh, I get it. Marty’s one of those kinds of guys. You know the type I mean:

“Hey, I like you.”
“Thanks, but I don’t like you like that.”
“You’re a bitch.”

**Years later**

“Hey, what’s up?”

“You’re still a bitch.”
“Come on. It’s been years. Don’t be like that.”

“Okay. You’re hot.”

“Um...what?”

“God, you’re SUCH a bitch.”

Marty’s the kind of guy that sends unsolicited weiner pics and gets mad when you don’t reply.

Meanwhile, it becomes apparent that Lorelai Jr. doesn’t want people in Stars Hollow to know she messed around and got married to Not Luke. Christopher reassures her, they go into Stars Hollow, Luke loses his mind, everyone else is like, “oh.”

So, Lorelai Jr.’s like, we need to do something. Christopher, we need to schedule playdates for you so that everyone will love you. So they do Knit-a-thon. Knitting for charity. So, what does Christopher do?

Christopher decides to throw money at everyone because that’ll work. Nope. Knit-a-thon’s over. Thanks, Christopher.

April’s mom shows up and says, “Yeah, we’re moving to New Mexico” and I’m thinking, Luke, you need to just follow them. Bump Purgatory. It’s Purgatory.

Instead, he tells April, we can work something out where you can come back and forth. He tells her mom that and she’s like, “WTH? Could you not tell her stuff like that when I don’t even know what we’re doing?”

But then, Luke’s all holding his niece and he realizes, yeah, okay. Maybe I should try this whole being a present father. He goes and tells her mom, “You know what? I’m stepping up to the plate, here. I get a say too. I have rights.”  *Cue Law and Order sting*