Another Beautiful Day in Purgatory

Okay! New morning new day. So, Lorelai Sr. tells Emily and Richard her mother Luke and her broke up and nothing happens. And now, Lorelai is obsessing about her mother’s influence on her life. The whole time all I’m thinking why is Lorelai a damned teenager?? I wish I cared about this storyline… I mean, I do a little. When Michel watched all the little girls come in for tea and he said that they looked like real live Madame Alexander dolls... I mean, think it’s weird that on a show where Sally Struthers talked about drying her panties an episode ago, we’re just straight-up ignoring the fact that Michel is a gay. So, Lorelai Sr. takes him to Emily’s cotillion and he’s as giddy as a teenager backstage at a rock concert. Anyway, Lorelai gets home and Christopher’s there and he’s all we had sex so now I love, love you and it’s awkward and weird. So, then he actually SAYS that he loves her. And at first, I’m thinking, poor stupid man...but then LORELAI SR. CALLS HIM??  FOR WHAT?? WHY T...

  Okaayyy, so Lorelai has told Luke that she slept with Christopher.  I think my favorite thing so far in this show is the fact that he immediately left her house and went to Christopher’s apartment and punched him in the face.  Heh. But now, he’s putting the failure of their relationship on her, which is one of the many reasons he’s probably in purgatory. “wEll yOu’Re tHe oNe sTiLL hUnG uP oN hIm!”  Nice, Luke. So, Kirk after learning from his mentor Taylor about how to torture the residents of Stars Hollow, opens his own outdoor diner across the street from Luke’s...after running a car through the diner.  And Lane comes back from her honeymoon, she hates sex, and she’s pregnant. Knew it from the moment saltines was mentioned. But Lane thinks sex is “bad for a woman” now because it was bad her first time. She actually thinks everyone has lied to her about it except her mother. Did I know she was this dumb? Not gonna shame her for considering an abortion, except...

And so, here we are at the last season. Woo. It’s been quite a ride. And Christopher’s dumb ass. (laughs) How can he not see that her sleeping with him was anything more than what it was? Dude, she showed up to your house all distraught and “I don’t wanna be alone” and you’re like, “Yay, sex = relationship!” What a maroon. Side note: “Oh, I’m just waiting for my panties to dry” is not a statement I thought I’d ever hear Sally Struthers say. Anyway, Luke shows up to the house all, "hold on a second! I wasn’t ready! You rushed me!" And Lorealai’s all, "you’re kidding, right? Boi, get out of my way so I can get to work." And when she was talking to Sookie, Lorelai said it, “He didn’t fight for me.” That’s real-real, y’all. She laid it all out and he didn’t jump. Yup. You blew that one Luke. Anyway, so, Rory is now Logan free...bets on how long it takes for her to Monkeybar to Jesse (or someone else). One episode? Maybe two? Let’s see! The whole Rory trying to figure ou...

So, Season finale, Lorelai’s in mourning for the breakup of her relationship that she hasn’t told Luke about, Logalai is graduating, and Taylor used the word “chicanery” in a sentence. Let’s dive in. You know if nothing else, GG is a step-by-step lesson in how NOT to break up with someone. Okay, so, Rory having it out with Daddy Huntzberger on the elevator. God, Rory is such a child. Rory: “wHy ArE YoU tRyInG tO bReAk uS uP??” Mitch: “Chick, I ain’t thinking about you!” Once again the ass that is Mitch Huntzenberger is right. While I don’t agree with the method, Logan does need a kick in the ass to grow up. And the party...Logan gives her a straight-up cry for help. Tell me not to go. Translation: “I don’t want to do this, but I’m not strong enough to say no. HELP ME.” She doesn’t hear him because, well, Mitch said what he said. Then he leaves. IDC what y’all say, that goodbye was heartbreaking. RIP Logalai. Anyway, though...  Dinner with the Gilmores. Wasn’t that a thing? Emily an...

Yooo...Luke told Lorelai he didn’t want her to meet April because she’ll like her better like that crap made sense. Then he threw April the party without Lorelai and decided to be himself. (laughs) He’s an idiot. And Lorelai Sr.’s a good one. If he’d have called me, I’d have been like, “Sorry. At work. Call Later.” And before you’re like, OMG LUKE WAS RIGHT. Dude...they’re a couple, not spoiled rich siblings. Anyway, so, April’s mom goes off on him because he let Lorelai help. Unreasonable on the surface, BUT… As a parent, I’m not totally mad at it. Let's be clear. Luke. Did not. Introduce. His Fiance. To Her. This woman is going to be in his life permanently. At the heart of it, I get that. I’m the mother. I need to know who this chick is before sleepovers happen. So, Lorelai takes it upon herself to introduce herself to her and then we see that April’s mom is...well, really misguided. She wants to wait until they’re married before she meets April properly. That’s...no. That’s ho...

So, Rory torturing Logan is a lesson, folks. One that I, myself, had to learn in therapy. Forgiveness means forgiveness means forgiveness. If you’re done wrong and you can’t forgive your mate, then you need to figure that crap out or kick rocks. Contrary to what they say on Love and Hip Hop, you don’t get to torture your mate if they mess up. Hate to say it, but, I’m in Logan’s camp there.  Good on him for calling Rory on that bull, because it is bull. That’s okay, though, because Monkeybar Rory is already on to the next one...or the first one. As if on cue, Jess comes back into the picture. And he’s a hipster with a bad haircut. Yay. I mean...at least when Luke introduced him to his cousin, he didn’t immediately treat her like crap on sight. Ooh, growth. Fine, fine, Jess is a different person now. I’m still giving him the side-eye. As much as I loathe Jess, I think I might hate Rory more at this point. She really is a terrible person. Instead of being real with Logan and either wo...